I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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