I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
My hand turned me down
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
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