Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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