The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
