Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
