i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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