This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
