So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Who died my cat blue again?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
