i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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