girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
