Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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