hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
high people should be assigned attendants
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen