fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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