My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same