we have officially lost it.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
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stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
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I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize