And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
