found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
