He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
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hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
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So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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