You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
