did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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