I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
