Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
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He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
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he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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