I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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