And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
