You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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