No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
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I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Less talking, more tequila
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
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I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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