I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Drunk is not a location!
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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