i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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