My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
