I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
