I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
No I am not eating basil off your cock
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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