So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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