1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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