i'm signing you up for texting rehab
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
