Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
