Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
