You were right. It hurts to walk today.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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