i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
