Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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