Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
