Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
