there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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