I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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