weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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