my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
two words: eviction party
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
