Fine. I'll sleep in my office
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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