Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
