nut hugger
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Randomize
