wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
