A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
