census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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