Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
