Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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