yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
