I bet he comes in French.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
