Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
