Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
