return my video game
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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