She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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