Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
