so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
